But somewhere from the dark depths of our bohemian genetic pool a reasonable, systematic gene fought its way through the stew of gypsies and made its way into my fetal son’s DNA.
For this freak of nature I am truly grateful. My children are growing up in a competitive technological world and I was beginning to worry about how a brood of beatniks was going to be able to care for me when Social Security goes bankrupt.
So, when I find the continual residue of science experiments around the house, like bleach spots on the carpet or food coloring stains on clothes and towels, I try not to go postal. I don’t ask questions when I find something frothing in a cup in the fridge, empty bottles of hydrogen peroxide and vinegar in the sink or see written on my grocery list things like Borox, magnets or gun powder.
My son’s latest science exploit is “blobbers.” It’s basically a recipe for making homemade slime. We now have a collection of blobbers in an array of colors staining walls and stuck to various unreachable surfaces of our house.
He is having fun and getting smart so I encourage him. (Although I have hidden the bleach and the food coloring.)
Unfortunately, I am not scientifically gifted so I must eek my way through life by my creative wits. I regularly attempt to upgrade my meager skill set by attending workshops and conferences about writing, blogging and networking. I attended just such an event this weekend.
I always go to these things with such high hopes and ambitions and this one was no exception. I wore a power outfit and a matching jewelry set. I sat through each presentation vigorously taking notes, searching for that golden nugget of inspiration that will catapult my writing and connections into the limelight of the blogosphere and the literary world.
They told us how there is a real science to good writing and networking. They said science! I am a scientist after all! I honed my listening skills to absorb the data and fill my bookish beaker. They revealed high power strategies and top secret tricks of the trade. My ambitious bubble exploded inside with the possibilities!
Then came what I had been waiting for – that golden nugget. The presenter cleared his throat and prepared to give us the keys to the kingdom . . . “You know folks, in the end a lot of it is luck. There are so many people trying to do what you’re doing. Very few people are really successful at it. Whether you’re any good or not, a lot of it is just being in the right place at the right time.”
Then he wrapped up with a heartfelt epigram that went something like, “But you just keep trying and working in the trenches for squat and maybe someday you’ll be the one in a bazillion whose big fluffy dreams come true!”
They handed out promotional water bottles and sent us on our way.
My husband came to pick me up. I shlumped into the car. I told him about the ‘Science of Success Theory’ I’d learned and how it was suspiciously similar to an infomercial about beating the slots in Vegas.
My sympathetic sweetie came in for the save, “You are a great writer! You are the new community blobber for hjnews.com!”
“What did you say?” I checked to see if I’d heard right.
“I said you’re a community blobber,” he caught himself, “I mean blogger!”
We busted out laughing.
I am a blobber and a scientist of sorts – experimenting with words and ways to cure the ills of the world with humor.
That would make those of you who read my writing my lab rats!
Thanks for being part of my experiment.
I hope you enjoy my blob!