Holy Oly!

Lovin’ London 2012!

The area around my TV is cleaner than it’s ever been because the only way I can justify spending so much time watching the Olympics is if I multitask. I mop, dust, wipe and buff any surface within viewing distance of the tube over and over to keep up the façade that I’m being productive. Hopefully nobody has noticed that the batch of laundry I fold looks suspiciously familiar every day.

The opening ceremonies were pretty awesome considering England is a humane civilization which practices public health and safety and therefore couldn’t require their cast members to wear diapers to maximize rehearsal time. I wasn’t feelin’ the love for our opening ceremonies Team USA uni design though. Did they mean for our athletes to look like British private school children as a nod to the host country? Where were the cowboy hats, chaps, or baseball caps? Come on people, we’re Americans—pioneers, explorers, settlers and rebels! Berets, scarves and white slacks hardly reflect that legacy.

The American tabloid coverage of Will and Kate has warped us.

Team USA is ruling the pool. I think Phelps’ flop opener was a ploy to fan the flame of Olympic drama. “Should I become the most decorated Olympian of all time today or tomorrow? Hmmm, my tweets have been down today. I’ll hold off.”

Speaking of tweets, when Mikey did break the record he got a tweet from President Obama. It said, “Congrats to Michael Phelps for breaking the all-time Olympic medal record. You’ve made your country proud.”—BO

The President of the United States of America signed as BO?

Facepalm.

Oh, there’s just so much to say about it all, and it’s going by so fast and I can’t keep up with it so I’ll just share a few of my Oly faves so far like Missy Franklin, the annoyingly likable normal teenager who turned down big money endorsement deals to keep eligibility to swim on her high school team and comes to her first Olympics to win gold right out of the chute.

Kayla Harrison overcame abuse by a creeper coach to be the first American ever to win a medal in Judo, and it was gold at that! Burn in jail, dude.

New moms, beach volleyball star Kerri Walsh Jennings and cycling phenom Kristin Armstrong both retired from their successful sport careers to find fulfillment in family life, but promptly unretired and headed back out to the beach and bike when they realized the grueling workouts and pressure of Olympic training are easier than motherhood.

The Lochte/Phelps rivalry. It’s gotta bite big time for Lochte to hit his prime the same time as an anatomical freak of nature merman.

The American water polo team hopped out of the pool after a win and didn’t bother to fix major wedgies before jumping up and down to celebrate victory, perhaps forgetting they were on international television in visually descriptive HD slow mo.

Ancient rock n’ roll relic Sir Paul McCartney waving the mic out at the Olympic stadium prompting them to sing “Nah nah nah nah n’ nah nah, hey Jude” like a drunkard in an English pub.

Oh the stories go on and on!

I keep maxing out my DVR recording time, and I know you’re glued to it too because my blog hits are down (that’s the reason, right?), but I can’t blame you for ditching because even as I write this entry I have one eyeball on my laptop screen and the other on the TV screen watching some beach volleyball guy they call “The Wooly Mammoth” wondering what he thinks about that nickname and if he had any say in it.

At least it’s better than BO.

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