Killing Me Softly

So, I get this email from my neighbor the other day, “We’ve been having problems with arsenic in our water. Has anyone else had problems with this?”


I’ve seen the play Arsenic and Old Lace. I know what happens.

How did my neighbor know she had arsenic in her water? Did someone in her family suddenly drop off?

Maybe my dog Patches didn’t die of heart failure after all.

Maybe I don’t have acne, they’re really boils from arsenic poisoning.

Maybe the food I make for my children really does taste like poison.

I don’t know if I’m having problems with arsenic in my water, but if the next blog entry is a eulogy about how I died peacefully in my sleep, check the well.

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