Gnat Very Fun

It was a beautiful autumn day.

I had big plans to bike the Legacy Trail with a friend.

I would put my kids on the bus, then drive to my friend’s house in North Ogden, getting there just as she put her kids on the bus, and off we’d go!

We were pumped! Girls day out cruising along on a paved trail away from bike-hating motorists who mock, honk, and flip birds just because they feel guilty about being too freakin’ lazy to get off their behinds and bike.

Our ride started out well, mostly.

Have you ever biked the Legacy Trail?

There are a lot of gates.

I understand the need for gates for safety purposes. They are placed where the trail intersects with public roads, but they are just long enough and placed just wide enough apart to be super awkward to get around on a bike. By the time you get through them you’ve pretty much stopped, or tipped over, which does make it easier to check for cars before you cross the road, I suppose.

I’ve actually biked the Legacy Trail once before, but I did a different stretch of it and I don’t remember that many gates. It seemed like this time we would just get our speed up and start getting some actual cardio benefits when we’d come up on another gate.

It was messing up our groove and starting to bug.

And speaking of bugs, just when it seemed like we were finally on a stretch of the trail that didn’t have as many gates, we got nailed by a wall of bugs!

A WALL!

I’m not exaggerating.

Swarms of tiny gnats were flying in our mouths, up our noses and in our ears! Our clothes, glasses and hair were plastered! It was disgusting and miserable.

As an avid biker, I’ve eaten my share of bugs—a sport hazard—but this was pandemic!

We plowed through for a little while, thinking it was just a freak thing that would eventually pass, but it didn’t. For miles we just kept getting blasted.

We had to call it.

Between the gates and the gnats we’d had all the fun we could stand.

Just as we were lamenting over our girls day out being ruined, we looked up and saw a Zupas’s sign shining through the cloud of flies in the distance, like a tender mercy from heaven.

We fought through the last stretch to our oasis. As we parked our bikes, we picked the bugs out of our teeth and hair, and brushed bug guts off our clothes as best we could before we went in to try and salvage our outing, which Zupa’s food can easily do. But I’m pretty sure we didn’t bike hard or long enough to justify our Caramel Rockslide Brownie intake.

When I got home, Jason asked about our ride and I told him how we had to bail because of the bazaar bug onslaught.

He tried to act convinced and sympathetic as I dramatically emphasized the grandeur of the attack, but I could tell he thought we were wusses, especially when he found out we “happened” to be right by a Zupa’s when we called it. (Like “Hawk Stalker” all over again!)

I pulled out my bike jersey and glasses to show him the mass of bug carcasses.

He shrugged and said he believed me, cheeky liar.

The very next day, Jason and I were watching the news and a story came on about how an unusually large swarm of aphids was migrating north through Utah and wreaking havoc for outdoor enthusiasts.

AHA!

Vindication.

Take gnat!

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