Thaifoon Blues

We had big plans for UEA.

Well, not big plans like Disneyland or anything, but we were going to take the kids down to Salt Lake City and mess around for a day—bum around the outdoor malls, take in a movie, go miniature golfing, zoom around in go-carts, then catch a corn maze after dark.

And it was all going to begin with lunch at Thaifoon at The Gateway.

I’d been looking sooooo forward to it. Craving it. Dreaming about devouring my precious delicious dish of honey walnut shrimp.


The kids were looking forward to it too.

We made the mistake of taking them to Thaifoon once and they got addicted too, which is bad because the prices are not very family friendly. But we exposed them, so now they beg for Thaifoon anytime we’re in or near Salt Lake. We’ve appeased them a few times for a rare treat.

That’s what this was going to be—a rare treat. Since they’re all doing well in school, keeping their rooms above cesspool level, and not overly bugging us, we were treating them to a day of fun and Thaifoon food.

As we walked past the water fountain and up the stairs we were excitedly discussing what we were going to order. Then as we came to the restaurant doors, we found the saddest sign ever written, “As of September 30th, Thaifoon will be closed. We thank you for ten wonderful years of business.”



Why hadn’t I heard? Why didn’t I know?

If I had known such a disaster was looming, I would have made necessary preparations by going to Thaifoon and ordering 50,000 take-out orders of honey walnut shrimp to stash in my deep freeze!

Now it was too late.

It was gone forever.

We all stood there in shock, staring at the sign that crushed our cravings.

What should we do now?

Our fun-filled day was supposed to begin with Thaifoon. We were all disoriented now. Life seemed to have less meaning. We found another restaurant to eat at, but it wasn’t the same. We wolfed down bottomless chips and salsa trying to fill the void.

It didn’t work. They were just empty calories.

We made the best of our day, going through the motions of having fun, but the relentless burping up burritos was a cruel reminder of our compromised consumption.

I blame City Creek.

You came in with your fancy retractable roof and manufactured river, luring business away from The Gateway and causing reputable businesses like Thaifoon to suffer a slow, cruel death!

You said there was room enough for both malls in Salt Lake City! You said people would patronize both places and the city would thrive with options! You liar! Have you been to the Gateway recently? It’s a freakin’ ghost town! There are more hobos there than open shops!

Shame on you!

I’ll never forgive you for taking away my honey walnut shrimp!

I’ll never shop or eat at your facility again!

Okay, that’s a lie.

But I will miss Thaifoon, A LOT.

It’s going to take a lot of cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory to help me get over this.

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