The Almosters

uvsuFirst of all, why do they call this game”The Battle of the Brothers?”

The University of Utah is NOT our brother.

To be brothers you have to come from the same parents and USU and U of U certainly do not. University of Utah was originally born of church and Utah State University was born of state and everyone knows the two have never been a compatible couple.

Now, BYU and BYUI can be called brother schools since they have the same namesake papa, though they probably have different mothers with Brigham’s wife range. Then there’s that exotic little sister in Hawaii.

Anyway, U of U and USU are hardly siblings, though they both compete hard with each other to be known as Utah’s black sheep of the family.

The game was properly titled with “Battle” though.

A battle I thought for a brief and glorious moment would prove victorious for once.

I really thought we had it this time.

Why am I such a positive, hopeful person all the time?

It just sets me up for disappointment.

The Aggies lost yet another nail-biter, and due to this agonizing ongoing trend in recent years, I’m going to petition the university’s Board of Trustees to have USU’s mascot officially changed from the “Aggies” to the “Almosters.”

Considering the number of football games in recent years where we’ve come so, so, so close to beating high profile teams that would elevate our status in the national scene only to have our hopes dashed to pieces, “Almosters” seems a more fitting representation than “Aggies” now, especially since we’re getting away from our roots as an agricultural school anyway. I mean, the modern art collection going up around campus proves we’re now contemporary intellectuals who can see beauty and meaning in something that a mere hick of yesteryear would think looked like something to muck out of his barn.

I have an idea for the Almoster mascot costume too. It could be mature woman wearing a tattered football fan t-shirt. She has long brown hair, but her roots are turning gray from stress, and you can tell that in her youth she might have been lovely, but now hard lines have formed around her mouth and across her forehead with bags sagging under her eyes from years of tears and disappointment from cheering on her alma mater in too many “almosts.”

PS: Chucky, you rock.

Leave a Reply