Your alarm went off much earlier than your eyes wanted to open or your body wanted to move, so you grunted and reached for the snooze button.
BUT, suddenly you remembered!
It’s that every other Wednesday of the month, which are your favorite days of the month because they’re the days your favorite columnist is featured on the “Life” page of the Herald Journal!
You felt suddenly invigorated and ready to start the day with a healthy helping of the morning paper. You skipped over the snooze button and turned your alarm immediately off, sprung from your bed and out the front door to get the morning paper, completely forgetting you’re in your skivvies, but so what?
It’s every other Wednesday and you just couldn’t wait to see what hilarious and maybe even controversial topic Kari J. Rich would tackle today. Maybe Kari would even bike past your house at that moment and see you in your skivvies and write about it—ha ha! You laughed to yourself and thought, That crazy word girl!
You turned to the Life section . . . but it wasn’t there.
You frantically scanned every page of the paper hoping maybe you’d just overlooked it, or maybe the paper had printed in on another page.
But it wasn’t there.
It wasn’t anywhere.
You were crushed.
You threw the paper back on the porch.
You realized the day is no longer worth meeting anymore (at least not until later when Duck Dynasty comes on). You felt tiredness set back in, so you crawled back into bed and reset your alarm for another 45 minutes because who cares if you’re late for work? Who cares if the kids don’t eat before they go to school? Then you cried yourself back into a fitful sleep.
I’m so sorry about this horrible morning.
But there is an explanation—a good one.
A really good one!
I did my duty and wrote my column into the wee hours of Monday night. I did what I always do, which is write, and rewrite, and edit, and read, and re-read, and move, and delete, then try to remember what I deleted so I could write it back in.
I worked until all 540 words were in perfect order of expression. Then I sent it off to my editor just before I collapsed into coma of intellectual fatigue with my laptop still on my lap and my teeth unbrushed.
I woke up to the “ding” of new emails arriving before the sun was even up.
One of the emails was from my editor.
Here’s what it said:
“Thanks, Kari, that looked good. By the way, we are shifting your column to Sundays. It will run on the Horizons page, which is essentially the same as the Life page, so no content adjustment is needed. Your deadlines will be Thursdays now, and your first one [will] run this Sunday, Oct. 13. The other part of this is that you will have the option to write weekly if you like. Let me know what you think.”
What do I think?
What do I THINK?!
I THINK THAT’S FREAKIN’ AWESOME!
Just think of it–the Sunday paper!
The big time!
The fat one!
The most read issue of the week, and I’ll be in it—every week!
You can have Wednesdays, Duck Dynasty.
I’ve got the Sunday paper.
Where the comics are.
And the good coupons and sale ads.
And the Parade that features Hollywood stars and stuff.
I’ll be sharing newsprint and ink with stars.
So “see ya later” every-other-Wednesday Life page.
I’ve got a new Horizon.
And it starts on Sunday.