Being “Idol” Through January

AMERICAN IDOL: LogoJust when you think the mind-numbing effects of the bleak midwinter are going to plummet you into a non-rescuable pit of despair, bright and shiny Hollywood comes in for the save with some bling n’ sing entertainment.

That’s right!

American Idol Season XIII from sunny SoCal kicks off next week!

I’ve already confessed to being an “Idol” worshipper.

What I haven’t confessed is that I once had a shot at American Idol stardom.

Last spring we went to Disney World and as we walked through the gates there was a magical sign: “Come have an American Idol Experience. Auditions today!” I ditched my family, who were only interested in cheap thrill rides, and headed toward fame.

How the process works is, you sing an a capella solo in front of a judge. Then he tells you if you advance towards the finals to sing in a live show that night in front of a judge panel and an audience who vote for a winner.

Disney truly does make dreams come true, even for a delusional middle-aged wannabe diva!

When it was my turn to audition, the judge greeted me and told me to go ahead and sing.

Mind blank.

Sing what?

In my anxiousness I’d forgotten to choose a song and practice it a bit beforehand.

I’ve sung my whole life!

My mother had me singing with my sisters in matching homemade pinafores for nursing home residents since I was seven! We eventually formed a wedding cover band and performed for years! I’ve sung every sappy ballad written between 1959-1995, yet I could not recall a single note of any of them!

Suddenly, a few of lines of “Big Yellow Taxi” by Joni Mitchell spewed out of my mouth.

Why that song?

I will never know.

I sang it well enough, but that drab melody just isn’t showy and I only sang a few lines because that’s all I could remember at the time.

Bottom line: I choked.

I blew it with the same issue I constantly yell at the TV contestants, “Song choice, people!”

The judge smirked as he handed me a button that read, “I auditioned!” i.e., Loser.

Then Simon said, “Thanks for auditioning!”

I plodded back to my family who asked, “How’d it go?”
“I choked.”
Then, the dreaded question from my husband, “What did you sing?”
“Big Yellow Taxi.”
“Really?”
“Don’t.”
He shook his head and said, “Song choice.”
“Can it, pal, or you won’t ‘know what you’ve got til it’s gone!’”

Anyhoo, I have something to get me through January.

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