Raising Awareness About Raising Awareness

posterJust as I’m coming out of a sugar coma from Halloween revelry, I heard on the news November 1st kicks off “American Diabetes Month.”

Thanks for that.

As if I’m not already in the depths of remorse and self-loathing as I count the number of Twix wrappers on the floor next to where I passed out last night.

I’m pretty sure the timing for this cause is no accident.

If everyone was required to take a blood sugar test today, most of us would be categorized as diabetic. And thanks for the Thanksgiving buzz kill. Now how am I supposed to enjoy gorging that day? Oh, it’s also “Diabetic Eye Disease Awareness Month.” I’m not sure why that couldn’t just be inclusive to “American Diabetes Month.”

You should know that November is also “National Native American Heritage Month,” “National Raisin Bread Month” and “Historic Bridge Awareness Month.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m still exhausted from observance of October’s slammed agenda including:
Eye Safety & Injury Prevention Month
National Toilet Tank Repair Month
Polish American Heritage Month
Country Music Month
Photographer Appreciation Month
Month of Free Thought
National Roller Skating Month
National Pizza Month
National Cookie Month
National Popcorn Poppin’ Month
National Pickled Pepper Month

Some of these observances may be unfamiliar, but they’re legit and it’s hard to compete with the pink palooza of “National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m in favor of raising awareness and showing respect for causes, cultures and tasty foods. I’m just wondering how to go about getting an official awareness month created because I have a few suggestions.

First, “Mothers DAY?”

What a rip off.

We’ll honor pickled peppers for a whole month and give moms a freakin’ day? That reminds me, I move to abolish the observance of “National Kids Day” in August. My kids already think every day is “National Kids Day.”

I did some in-depth research (googled) on the process of creating a national month/day and found a website which claims to accept applications. It seemed official—sort of.

The copy on the homepage read:
Do you have a special day that you would like to be recognized annually?  How about a unique product or service?  Having your own national day or month can bring you, your company or cause special recognition every year. The build up to a national day is great. News stories, increase in product sales…and much more can be generated annually.

Hmmm.

Seems kinda slick, like the motive for registering a national day or month serves mainly commercial purposes. Now I understand the origin of “National Raisin Bread Day.” Some trendy coffee shop & bakery was trying to find a way to boost sales of a menu dud and “National Raisin Bread Month” was born.

Of course, the most popular observance among men this month is “No-shave November.” Though it seems like just an excuse for dudes to go all Duck Dynasty in solidarity, it did originate about a decade ago for raising cancer awareness among men, i.e. their “pink ribbon.” Good cause or not, if the man in my life chooses to participate, I’ll file an application to designate this month as “No-action November.”

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